i think i need a rebirth.

every time i am drained of inspirational creativity, i move on. i let myself disappear. and honestly, this time it's not like that. this time i want to try. but wanting hasn't ever been enough for me. i've got to do it, that's the challenge. not to say that i would be missed if i divorced this xanga. because i would mend the ties cut off by my leaving with those whom i truly wish to keep in touch with, which isn't many.

so, minus the very special one or two, consider this xanga deceased.
i'm moving on. i'm running away. i'm ignoring.
whatever you'd like to call it.

over and out.

Dear People of the Cool,

Why are you so cool? Why do you make the skies bluer, is it because your parents raise you right? Why are you always looking so damn good, and why do you always have the right things to say?

Sincerely,
Alex

PS- I walked across a bridge the other night, through a thick darkness. I was afraid that there was someone under me, under that bridge, shooting up heroine. I crunched all attainable leaves under my foot. Not quite autumn-crunchy, but it's getting there. I watched a boy and a girl kiss and then I scared a couple with a dog, just by saying hello to them. I guess even good kids are scary these decades.

PPS- Someone should have told Esther in The Bell Jar to swim all the way out to that rock. She would have been happier there.

PPPS- sometimes i feel like writing in all lowercase letters and typing to unknown people online. if you get that feeling too: omgzzz its alex